At my core, I am a chef. Before I became a wife, I was a chef. Before I became a mother, I was a chef. Before I became a business owner, I was a chef. Before I got involved in politics, I was a chef.
And before all of those things, I am a friend.
I am deeply saddened by the loss of one of my colleagues and for my friend, whose brother took his own life this week.
For the most part, we all put on a brave face before we head out each morning. It’s a kind of coping mechanism we are taught at an early age. Fake it till you make it, right? Suicide happens when you can no longer fake it.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control just released a study on suicide rates over the last 20 years. Rates in nearly every state have risen alarmingly. The rate in Maine has gone up by more than 27 percent since 1999.
It’s a common misperception that only clinically depressed people end their own lives. The CDC report tells us that more than half of American suicide victims have no history of mental illness. For these victims, a problem with their relationship, job, finances, physical health or substance use disorder seemed too big to overcome.
How do we help the people in our lives who are struggling? For starters, I think that empathy is key. Sure, sometimes that fake-it-till-you-make-it attitude is mastered by people who are in crisis. But, a lot of times, seeing that someone is struggling is clear – if we are watching.
My family is working on spending more time together; being present and having empathy for each other. We are a lively bunch for the most part and schedules sometimes get lost if we are not conversing together. At one point after dinner this week, all of us were sitting in the living room. I noticed no one was saying a word, but I could still feel everyone’s presence. When I looked up, we were all glued to our phones, myself included. It is a difficult task to be empathetic if we are not seeing past our screens. We need to do better. Tonight, we’ll do the hour before and the hour after dinner hangout device free.
We as a society are virtually glued to our devices. We read about celebrity suicides and repost calls to help find suicidal loved ones. But we still stigmatize mental health issues as someone else’s problem, as weakness, as made up. We need to do better.
There was a time after the suicide of a famous comedian that news coverage and public service announcements littered our devices to help us understand suicide. But after a very short period of time, those stories disappeared. We need to take these lessons to heart and take the time to be present for the people we care about. If we do, we can demonstrate that no challenge is too big if we have the help we need from our friends, family and community.
If you or someone you know is struggling and needs help to keep going, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or the Maine Crisis Hotline at 1-888-568-1112. Thanks for reading and be well.
As always, please feel free to call or e-mail me if you have any questions or concerns.
Rep. Maureen “Mo” Terry is serving her first term in the Maine House of Representatives. She is a chef and small business owner with more than 25 years of experience in the food service industry. She serves on the Taxation Committee.
(207) 712- 9735 | (800) 423-2900 | maureen.terry@legislature.maine.gov