Do you remember the moment when COVID-19 became real for you and your family? For some, it might have happened a few weeks ago, when grocery store shelves began to empty of toilet paper. Or maybe it was the moment someone received a call or email from a school, announcing closures for an extended period of time. For others, it may have been an image from the news, or a story read on social media. Regardless of when it happened, when you find yourself and your family facing a crisis, the shock that shoots through your body and into your brain can trigger an endless cycle of worry thoughts.
What do your worry thoughts sound like? There are many common ways people handle worry thoughts. You can suppress them, distract yourself from them, or maybe joke about them as a way to weaken their control over you. Yet, when the kids are asleep, and the house grows quiet, you may feel your worries returning, and they may seem bigger and more catastrophic than before.
Have you experienced your worry thoughts reappearing after you thought they were gone? During this uncertain time, when there’s no knowing when normalcy may return, you need another way to move through your worry thoughts to find a sense of relief.
Start by listening to your worry. Yes, that’s right. Instead of ignoring worry thoughts or distracting yourself from them, acknowledge the source of the worry, name the worry, and say thank you to it. That sounds a little funny, doesn’t it? Here’s the deal with worries: They are things that may not happen in the future. They aren’t facts, but they do serve a valuable purpose in your life by helping you identify potential problems, such as where you feel weak or unprepared, that you can start to address or work to protect.
So, you should be aware of your worries, try to understand where they come from and name them, and thank them for all the ways they actually help keep your life safe.
After you thank your worry, refocus on the present moment. Worries are in the future; you can’t do anything about the future, but you can do something about the here and now. For example, you may worry about your loved ones becoming sick. You may worry that you’re not going to be able teach your children as well as their teachers and that they’ll fall behind. You may worry that you’re going to run out of toilet paper. Recognize those concerns, thank them for appearing to you, and then refocus your attention back to where you are in the moment.
Remind yourself that—right now—your family is okay, your children are adjusting to having you around every day to help with their learning, and you have toilet paper that you can use, when you need it. Being in the now feels much better than putting your life on pause to dwell on the worries of the future.
Finally, try to acknowledge the worry, but don’t live in the worry. As mentioned earlier, your worry thoughts play an important role in your life, but they aren’t meant to be your reality. They represent a future that you can change by living in the present moment, making positive choices, and taking action today to improve your life tomorrow. For example, today, you can call or FaceTime with loved ones to connect and share your love with them. Today, instead of the usual worksheets, you can try some creative projects to teach your children new lessons (especially about mindfulness meditation or yoga, which can help their own peace of mind). You can even think outside the box and consider all of the other possible forms of toilet paper you have in your home, like paper towels, tissues, and baby wipes that can be used in a pinch.
Remember, worry thoughts are a tool to help you see some of the obstacles around you before they have a chance to get in your way. Use worry thoughts to your advantage to plan, prepare, and become more resilient, so you’re ready for the new challenges tomorrow may reveal.
Delvina Miremadi-Baldino, Ph.D. is a Gorham High School graduate who works remotely for Life Advantages, based in Florida, and is the CEO of her own Gorham-based business, Realize Your Resilience, which she founded in 2016.