The restrictions due to COVID-19 have stripped away or changed every social interaction we used to have. How we work, how we go to school, how we gather with friends and family, how we worship, even how we communicate with strangers in the grocery store has all changed. While many of us are hopeful for the light at the end of the tunnel, the sense of loss and loneliness may have already taken its toll on our well-being. Prior to the pandemic, one in three adults age 45 and older were lonely. We can only assume that number is significantly higher during these difficult times. But rather than continue down the path of deepening loneliness, this pandemic may be able to provide us with a new lens and a new way forward.
Human connection is as important as water and food. We are social creatures who rely on eye contact, hugs, and shared laughter to survive. A range of research suggests low social connections can have a tremendous adverse effect on our physical health. In fact, loneliness can be as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. But, thankfully, the science of well-being gives us a new hope: that while the pandemic makes it difficult to foster relationships the way we used to, there are still many ways we can build connection. The following seven Science-based C.O.N.N.E.C.T. tips can help you foster a positive, resilient path away from loneliness.
C – Compassion
When we are feeling lonely, we are much more likely to engage in self-criticism and judgment. We ignore our strengths and focus solely on the negative which perpetuates our feelings of loneliness and creates a vicious cycle of shame and fear. We can break this cycle by showing ourselves kindness through a dose of self-compassion. We are much more likely to do this for others rather than for ourselves. By being mindful of our painful feelings and understanding that this suffering is a common part of the human experience, we can extend caring and compassionate support to ourselves, just as we would a friend. Next time you feel yourself in the loneliness cycle, ask yourself: what would I say to a friend right now? Chances are you will choose kindness over judgment.
O – Others
Work obligations and busy family schedules can often leave little time for deep, meaningful connections with those around us. When we are experiencing loneliness, tunnel-vision may make it difficult to see or feel the love that surrounds us. According to Dr. Murthy in his book, Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, we need three levels of connection—intimate (partner or spouse), relational (circle of friends), and collective (community)—to avoid loneliness. So, even if it feels unnatural in that moment, it’s critical that you make time for others in your day-to-day life. Reserve an hour a day for private time with your partner, take your child for a bike ride on your lunch break, call and check on a friend, or drop a meal off at a neighbor’s house. No matter what you do, go for quality over quantity; be present, listen with your whole heart, have fun, and let the creation of beautiful memories overshadow any lingering loneliness!
N – Nourish
The experience of loneliness is not just about a lack of connection with others, it’s also about a lack of connection to ourselves. Time alone can be enjoyable, balancing, and grounding. There is no better time than now to prioritize self-care and develop a nourishing relationship with your mind, body, and soul. Try to build three intentional activities into your daily schedule that will benefit your mind, your body, and your soul.
Mind: Try a few minutes a day of breathing exercises, gratitude journaling, meditation, or laughter.
Body: Try light stretching, yoga, a brisk walk, or jog.
Soul: Try a creative project, watch a documentary about a topic that is meaningful to you, or volunteer in your community.
N – Nature
Research shows that a walk in the woods, planting an herb garden on your patio, or even just viewing a nature scene, can have a profound impact on your brain and your behavior. Besides the undeniable emotional and physical health benefits of reducing anger, stress, anxiety, blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension, being in nature also increases our ability to connect with others. So, even though this pandemic has limited your time with friends and family, we still have the forgotten friend: nature. Step outside and let nature fill in to lessen the suffering you feel from human separation.
E – Engagement
While the pandemic has put restrictions on how we engage with our friends, family, and community, there are many other ways we can engage in our everyday lives that promote connection and resilience. Flow is a state of being when you are so highly immersed in that moment’s activity that you lose all sense of time and self-consciousness. According to research, a regular experience of flow is related to increased happiness, self-esteem, and performance. So, whether your flow state occurs when you are knitting, playing tennis, or preparing a meal, make a conscious effort to bring more flow into your life.
C – Create
Channeling your feelings into creative art can be a very therapeutic form of connection when you are experiencing loneliness. Rather than the hectic daily chatter of our pre-pandemic lives, the solitude experienced during this pandemic does have a silver lining. This pause in life as we knew it has given us a gift of stillness: time for introspection and clarity. Use this moment to express your inner experience that is so commonly drowned out by the rush of modern life. Make jewelry, journal, build a bird house, write your own music, redecorate your office, make up your own recipe. Whatever it is, let your creativity soar and carry you out of your lonely state.
T – Thankful
Gratitude, the powerful quality of being thankful, fosters the confident, open mindset that makes new connections more likely to happen. When we express or receive gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, otherwise called the ‘feel good’ hormones. They enhance our mood and tap into our brain’s reward system, making us feel happy and eager to get more. Consciously practicing gratitude every day can strengthen the pathways in the brain that focus on what you have instead of what you lack, ultimately deepening your relationships through a positive, and caring nature towards others.
Perhaps, with all that the pandemic has stripped away, we may actually be able to more clearly examine our needs as human beings. The tips of CONNECTion can help build a “new normal,” one that is intentionally designed, that prioritizes human connection (at work, at school, in our homes, in our communities) and, therefore, creates the deep, meaningful relationships everyone needs to live a happier, healthier, more thriving life.
Dr. Miremadi-Baldini has dedicated her education, research and career to helping individuals, schools and organizations foster resilience and lead more positive purposeful lives.